Q: When my 4-year-old gets upset, he gets so worked up he can’t calm down even when the situation is over. What can we do?
Skills
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As a parent of an emotional child, I understand how difficult this is for both you and your son. 4-year-olds do not have the ability to regulate and control their emotions, so once your son gets upset, he becomes flooded with emotion. He needs your help to calm down because he is having difficulty doing it on his own. Big emotions can be scary for young children, and he might want to calm down but is unsure how to do it. When your son gets upset, find a spot that the two of you can go to together to help him calm down and get in control of his body. Some children like to be held while others need to get their feelings out physically (e.g., throwing or kicking), which is okay at this age as long as this behavior is directed at a toy or pillow rather than a person (ripping paper, throwing bean bags, or hitting a pillow might help your son). This support shows your son that it is okay to be upset and teaches him how to regulate his emotions.
Jennie Ito, Ph.D.
Child Development Expert
Jennie Ito is a mother of two and a child development consultant who specializes in children’s play and toys. Before becoming a consultant for LeapFrog, she was an intern at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, DC, and later worked as a content expert for the Association of Children’s Museum’s “Playing for Keeps” Play Initiative. Jennie earned her doctorate degree in developmental psychology at Queen’s University in Ontario, Canada.