Peerage Pressure
Equal and Unequal
Peer Pressure is an odd pairing of words. Noun and verb, peer depicts an edgy, anxious world of looking (and being looked at) for evidence of either equal or rivalrous standing among one's peerage group. As parents, it may be hard for us to remember how excruciating it can be for children who feel such forces running their lives, intimidating their choices and distorting self-regard. It can be equally hard to remember its potentially positive uses.
Healthy Peer Pressure
Peers are not the skilled partners in decision-making and problem-solving that adults are. But peers do have many positive contributions to make. Research by Radziszewska and Rogoff at the University of Utah examined peer pressure experienced by 9-year-olds. Their research has shown that children often learn as much, if not more, from their peers in developing athletic, leadership and social skills. Healthy peer pressure helps some balky children raise the level of their academic or athletic performance in ways parents may have long abandoned. It helps others resist cheating, drug use and even casual sex.
Classic Peer Pressure: Negative
Still, the negative impact of peer pressure is our bigger concern, especially when it affects academic competence and social behaviour. A classic, far-too-prevalent example is the pressure children feel to not ask for help in class when they need it. The motivation to seek help in math class for 200 middle school students was studied by Ryan and Pintrich at the University of Michigan. They confirm our suspicions: competition and fear of what others will think silenced more children than gender or ability. In fact, students who were not doing well were less likely to ask for help because they didn't want their peers to know they needed it.
The power of peer pressure to shape social behaviour, however, worries even more parents, especially given the ease with which even today's good children can fall into very serious trouble. An early sign that a child is caught in the undertow is his ready reliance on negative, peer-directed behaviours such as boasting or tattling. Normal in small doses, heavy use of boasting or tattling can signal that a child can't keep his footing in peer relationships that are overly competitive or excessively judgmental.
Parents Need to Be Alert
Even when there are no warning signs, parents need to be alert. By the end of year 5, many children have joined their peers in having their first taste of alcohol and/or drugs. Surveys by the American Medical Association Office of Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse revealed that between Year 5 and Year 7, half of all children will have tried cigarettes. Of all the 12–17 year olds that do drink, the average age at which they began was 12.8 years. These pressures are most forceful when children gather in groups to party. Many children feel they can handle peer pressure more easily than the social pressure of a group to cross some individual behavioural boundary.
Since the infection of our childrens values by the peer pressure bug is inevitable, what can we do to vaccinate them against serious trouble?
· You can't start too early to let your children know your positive expectations and values for healthy lives—theirs and yours. Bring it up often and don't wait for it to surface—it might be too late. Casual and frequent comments about smoking, drinking, tolerance, drug use and even sex should become commonplace long before Year 5.
· The very way you discipline your children can affect their susceptibility to such pressures. Researchers at Louisiana State University found that young children (age 3–5 years) whose parents used reasoning in disciplining, as opposed to those who threatened, belittled and physically punished, had children who were better liked by their peers, and were less likely to be negatively influenced to misbehave. Older children (age 10–13 years), given enough freedom to make their own decisions but still well supervised, were less influenced by peers.
· Challenge common middle-school thinking about experimentation. The most frequent reason children give for trying alcohol, drugs and smoking is, "Why not?" Give them "why-not" reasons in rational, non-accusatory tones. Focus on the health risks, your values and beliefs, and interpersonal consequences. Challenge them to think about what is healthy and responsible so that when you are not around, and the peer and social pressures feel like rip tides, they have developed a flotation device.
Dr. Kyle Pruett is Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Center and School of Medicine. He is the past president of Zero to Three, the nation's largest think tank, research, and policy center for the first three years of life. He is also the author of Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (Broadway, 2001)
